handjob tips. give me some.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
