I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
