My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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