I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Sorry my hands just texted you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
