it was like his penis was on wheels.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Randomize
