I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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