I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
