Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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