Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
