Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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