No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
