Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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