this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
