Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Your face is a jimmy john
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
