i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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