just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
