3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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