**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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