Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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