Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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