I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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