I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I want a musical about memes.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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