I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize