just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
