He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
