I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
