spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
