If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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