we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
