You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
We don't watch enough power rangers
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
