Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
