anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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