omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
