I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize