I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
