just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
