She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
