I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
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She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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