Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
