a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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