Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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