My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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