What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
