watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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