oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
