My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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