no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
