i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
