I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I need to align my fucking chakras
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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