You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
