the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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