why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
