New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
