I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
You smell like stripper and shame
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
