when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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