The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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