I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize