I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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