I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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