the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
