go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
