ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
