Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
