my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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