You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
