So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
