is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
