i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
